Anticipating your death is probably one of he hardest things I have ever had to do. Going to say goodbye to you while you are clearly breathing, looking as if you were simply sleeping, I cant even put into words. I look back and think what could have I done different? I know I should not think that way but I cant help it… Then I cant help but think about the future at 6:00 pm. I dont know what to do, what to feel, besides stay silent and hide from the world for a little bit.
Im not sure if it sounds sick, but I would have much rather have this moment happen out of the blue, instead of me sitting hear counting the hours, the minutes, the seconds.
Say hi to my daddy for me, I know he’ll be waiting there for you.
I love you Indio.
I am not sure whats worse, having a death happen out of the blue or anticipating the moment where their heart stops beating…
have you ever just looked at someone and thought, my fucking god i adore you. i adore every goddamn ounce. i adore your bones and your soul. but I’m a loser, who just doesn’t wanna lose you. i can lose fucking everything, but not you. oh god. not you.
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