Anticipating your death is probably one of he hardest things I have ever had to do. Going to say goodbye to you while you are clearly breathing, looking as if you were simply sleeping, I cant even put into words. I look back and think what could have I done different? I know I should not think that way but I cant help it… Then I cant help but think about the future at 6:00 pm. I dont know what to do, what to feel, besides stay silent and hide from the world for a little bit.
Im not sure if it sounds sick, but I would have much rather have this moment happen out of the blue, instead of me sitting hear counting the hours, the minutes, the seconds.
Say hi to my daddy for me, I know he’ll be waiting there for you.
have you ever just looked at someone and thought, my fucking god i adore you. i adore every goddamn ounce. i adore your bones and your soul. but I’m a loser, who just doesn’t wanna lose you. i can lose fucking everything, but not you. oh god. not you.
“How fascinating it is that there are millions of people all over the world who are wide awake at 4 am missing someone. And there are millions of people sound asleep at 4 am, with no idea that they’re being missed.”—please come back - nashviille (via unconcernedteenblogger)
I try my hardest to get over you.. when we’re apart I fill with anger, but when I see you and I see that smile.. I forget why I was angry.
I try not to angry w/ you, to try to understand. I do at times, then I hear everything your doing or said and I get so confused.. All I feel like I can do is stay mad.
Im not sure if I can be your friend, it hurts to much. However, youre a huge part of my life.. but I doubt you see me that way anymore. As someone important to you. You may care but that dosent mean shit nowadays.
My old thoughts are coming back.. not because of you, but theyre just coming back, this situation dosent help.. simply because it adds to mind running around like crazy…